At the moment is my 62nd birthday!
I used to cover my age, and ignore my birthdays however as time progresses and I appear to be holding collectively significantly better than projected, I’m rather more open sharing what I do, together with what dietary supplements I take, and what else I do for my bodily, emotional and psychological well being.
I think about Pax and my accomplice have one thing particular deliberate for me — maybe a hike in my favorite locations and for positive a swim!!!
However earlier than we take off… I’d prefer to share a present with you.
One thing I sense could make an enormous distinction in your life.
It’s helped me to navigate troublesome conversations and “variations in opinion” with surprisingly optimistic outcomes since I found this technique.
How a Vacation Disagreement Turned Into Emotional Well being Work
Final vacation season, my accomplice Dean and I had an settlement to not complain about one another to our friends. (I’m positive it has by no means occurred in your family, proper?!)
That settlement wasn’t saved.
I gained’t say which of us broke it. However I’ll say that it was not a Christmas second to have fun.
In case you’ve been dwelling with somebody for a few years — a accomplice, a sibling, or perhaps a pricey buddy — doesn’t it generally really feel like the identical disagreement retains resurfacing?
This time, as a substitute of letting it fade and resurface once more later, I requested my accomplice if we might attempt one thing a bit uncommon.
We recorded our disagreement on the Voice Memo app. Then copied and pasted the transcription and fed it into Perplexity utilizing the Grok mannequin (you may as well use ChatGPT).
Our objective wasn’t to “win” or show some extent.
We merely needed a impartial mirror — a recent perspective which may assist us see one thing we have been lacking.
Earlier than I am going any additional, I wish to be clear:
I’m not a therapist, don’t intend to be, and the next is for data and academic functions solely and isn’t supposed to exchange work with a therapist or counsellor.
Usually, the AI has the tendency make the consumer really feel good. This is the reason, I made positive it didn’t know, who was who and portrayed as an individual A and B.
Nonetheless the evaluation was considerably siding me, which I didn’t need. I requested the AI if it was unbiased, it confirmed and gave me an entire listing of causes.
However from my perspective, that was not what I used to be on the lookout for. I needed each of us really feel good.
Discovering Carl Rogers and a Extra Balanced Battle Decision
The subsequent day, I used to be driving and listening to the Tim Ferriss podcast when he talked about the psychologist Carl Rogers.
Carl Rogers was identified for an method to communication and remedy that centered on deep listening, empathy, and understanding — with out judgment and with out taking sides.
His perception was easy however highly effective: individuals transfer towards therapeutic after they actually really feel heard and understood.
That instantly caught my consideration.
I went again to the transcript of our recording and requested Perplexity to evaluate it via Carl Rogers’ method to communication and battle decision.
This time, the output was superb!
It was extra balanced. Much less about who was “proper”, and extra about what every of us was experiencing internally.
It even described every of our views by way of totally different ranges of non-public consciousness, serving to clarify why we reacted the best way we did — with out blame.
Most significantly, it gave us one thing sensible to work with.
And wouldn’t you realize it? We had a possibility to place this new method into observe a few days later.
How Emotional Well being Impacts Our Canines Too
In an ideal world, we’d by no means argue or battle with our accomplice, household, or buddies.
However in the true world, battle is usually inevitable.
Unresolved or repeated battle is dangerous for us and likewise for our canine – they deeply sense and soak up our emotional well being and stress ranges.
So I wish to share 4 prompts you should use with Perplexity, ChatGPT or one other AI instrument that may enable you to resolve battle with somebody you care about in a relaxed, non-judgmental means.
Earlier than sharing these prompts, let me offer you an actual world instance of how they work.
Lately, my accomplice Dean and I have been on the seashore with Pax.
Dean was doing yoga. I went for my thirty minute swim.
Whereas I used to be within the water, Pax did what canine do. He pooped. Dean didn’t discover (our fellow beachgoers weren’t too pleased about that!).
Somewhat later, Pax discovered one thing within the sand and ate it earlier than anybody might cease him. To today, we’re not fully positive what it was — which, as any canine lover is aware of, isn’t a comforting thriller.
Once I got here again from my swim and realized what had occurred, I felt upset.
I assumed we had an unstated understanding about watching Pax fastidiously on the seashore. Dean felt upset too, however for a distinct motive.
He felt criticized and blamed for one thing he didn’t deliberately ignore.
We talked about it within the automobile on the best way residence. And as a substitute of letting it flip into one other lingering irritation, we determined to attempt a distinct method.
We recorded the dialog. We transcribed it. And we requested the AI to evaluate it via the lens of Carl Rogers — a psychologist famend for selling empathy and deep listening.
What got here again wasn’t judgment. It didn’t inform both of us we have been “improper.” As a substitute, it mirrored one thing surprisingly useful:
I used to be reacting from concern and duty — wanting Pax to be protected and wholesome.
Dean was reacting from feeling momentarily overwhelmed and unaware — not careless, simply distracted.
As soon as that was clear, the answer grew to become apparent. We didn’t have to argue about intentions. That’s the form of argument that tends to make individuals really feel judged and defensive.
We wanted a easy settlement. So we made one.
After we’re on the seashore with Pax:
- One among us is at all times actively watching him
- Telephones keep away
- We watch for toilet breaks
- We stop scavenging
- And we clear up instantly so we don’t break the expertise for others
What struck me most wasn’t that the state of affairs was resolved, however the way it was resolved.
The stress disappeared not as a result of somebody “gained,” however as a result of we each felt understood.
And when the people are calmer and extra linked, our canine really feel it too.
Pax actually did.
A Easy Observe You Can Attempt
In case you’re studying this and pondering, “That sounds useful… but additionally a bit intimidating,” I perceive.
The excellent news is that this doesn’t require particular expertise, technical information, or hours of effort.
It’s easy. And you may attempt it the very subsequent time when any disagreement reveals up. It doesn’t should be about canine care — it may be about any facet of emotional well being or relationship stress.
How you can Use AI to Mirror on Battle
Right here’s How you can Attempt This Your self
First, begin recording any form of dialog — a few small and even deeper matter.
Report provided that all concerned events agree. I take advantage of Voice Memos app on my iPhone, however any app that transcribes a voice recording is sweet.
As soon as the dialog is over, transcribe it. Then, copy and paste the transcript into Perplexity, ChatGPT, or one other related AI instrument with these 4 prompts:
Immediate #1: Preliminary Evaluation (Core)
“Please assess this dialog between Particular person A and Particular person B utilizing Carl Rogers’ person-centered remedy rules. Deal with: 1) What every individual’s actual self appears to be expressing beneath their phrases, 2) The place incongruence (interior emotions vs. expressed phrases) seems for every individual, 3) The core emotional wants every individual has that are not being met, and 4) Whether or not empathy, genuineness, and unconditional optimistic regard are current on this alternate. Then present sensible recommendation grounded in each Rogers’ method and mainstream battle decision strategies.”
[insert the transcript of your conversation here]
Immediate #2: Understanding Habits Patterns (Non-obligatory Deep Dive)
“Assuming each Particular person A and Particular person B are well-intentioned, please clarify: 1) Why every individual may be performing the best way they do primarily based on Carl Rogers’ idea of ‘circumstances of value’ (beliefs about being acceptable/lovable), 2) What childhood or relational patterns might need formed these defensive behaviors, and three) What every individual’s ‘actualizing tendency’ (pure progress route) may appear to be in the event that they felt safer on this relationship.”
Immediate 3: Rogers’ Developmental Evaluation (Non-obligatory)
“Utilizing Carl Rogers’ 7 Phases of Course of, please establish which stage every individual (A and B) seems to be working from on this dialog. Clarify what behaviors point out their stage (e.g., rigidity, emotional expression, self-ownership, openness to alter) and what circumstances would assist every individual transfer towards larger congruence and genuine communication.”
Immediate 4: Sensible Subsequent Steps (Motion-Oriented)
“Primarily based on this dialog, what are probably the most life like subsequent steps for Particular person A and Particular person B? Please present: 1) One factor every individual might say or do otherwise that honors their genuine self whereas assembly the opposite’s core want (Rogers-style congruence), 2) One sensible communication settlement or boundary they may attempt (mainstream remedy method), and three) Your evaluation of whether or not their core variations are workable with consciousness and energy, or sign a deeper incompatibility.”
This course of is a technique to achieve readability, stop escalation, and achieve a recent perspective on recurring battle — with out blame, with out judgment, and with out anybody needing to “win.”
The intention issues.
In case you method others with curiosity, kindness, and a shared want to grasp one another higher. I’ve determined to share my story, and this technique, primarily as a result of I’ve discovered it extra helpful than taking course, studying self-help books or paying for costly remedy classes at occasions of rising coast.
It breaks my coronary heart to see relationships falling aside unnecessarily, and good individuals making their lives tougher as a result of they don’t train relationship and communication expertise at college.
It’s laborious.
I hope this data will enable you to open the door to conversations that really feel calmer, safer, and relationships which can be lasting and stronger.
That’s a win-win-win for everybody, together with our beloved canine.
